This week I released a song called "Run" and this is my confession...
In the lyric video, young Kelli Frazier portrays me (but blonde) as a teenager who has saddled up, and headed out to run as fast as possible through the canyons that surrounded my high school home. The footage is gorgeous. It was captured by Haidyn Ramsey on 7L Ranch near my hometown. I'm so thankful for this visual trip down memory lane. I wrote this song in the late 90s as I was trying to sort through some ongoing relationship issues. I was facing the fact that I am a runner. I hate confrontation. Don't you?
I've diligently studied emotional and relationship healing for 25 years now because I've needed it so much. An emphasis in relationship health is the understanding of passive, aggressive, and passive/aggressive behaviors vs. assertive behaviors. I'm not sure I had any of that going on back then. I would simply RUN! In ways that were even beyond "passive" I would run - silent, broken, undone, scared, and alone.
"I left my troubles in a cloud of dust that settled to the bottom of the bowl, and a gust of West Texas wind would blow in and sweep it clean out of my soul. That's where I learned to run."
I turn 58 in a few weeks, and I'm still trying to understand all of this. One thing I've come to know is that while saddling up, running full throttle, and leaving it all out there worked, and in many ways is so healthy and beneficial, but leaving it at that - only running never fixed anything. So, I have to turn around and face this again, even today in situations going on in my life currently. These things never find an end in life. It's a never ending battle, and I've decided that the only thing I can do about that is to get good at it - to become a good "warrior."
WHEN LOVE IS THE WEAPON, THE WAR IS WON!
It's a pretty little phrase that I've come up with as a part of the Common Ground Sound project, but it's not so pretty when you actually try to live that out. So, I go back to my own little list of key phrases, "Return to Love, Jill." I tell myself, and then have to remember what that really means, and what that looks like in this or that specific situation.
Then I start to feel that default plan - "RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Man it's so tempting to just run! But I'm committed to finding a better version of myself. For me, "Return to Love" means first, reconnecting with the reality that God loves me so much, so unconditionally, so faithfully. Second, I have to recollect (re-collect) or remember (re-member) the
fact that I am not God enough to be anyone's judge - not even my own. Then lastly, ask God to show me through His eyes what the truth of the situation is, and how exactly to move forward in a proactive, and assertive response that is first rooted in, and now coming out of that place of love and revelatory wisdom. It is a serious bridling of my tongue, feelings, and attitudes. Then it's a deep surrendering of my spirit to the reins of truth. Rather than passively running, or overcompensating for that old habit with overly aggressive reactions, or brooding passive/aggressive judgement and anger, I'm having to learn to speak up, stand my ground once I believe I've found the truth in the matter, and face it with loving boldness. It is still incredibly hard for me to get this right, but...
I think it is so worth remaining committed to unlearning how to run, and instead, learning how to stand!
The commoners of America have been running from the problems for far too long until we have found ourselves living in a culture wrought with deeply corrupt characteristics and therefore rot with unthinkable circumstances. Our nation in general, and every commoner within in it, is desperately suffering from the erosive effects of passive, aggressive, and passive/aggressive behaviors from the top tier of political and corporate realms to the individual family household, and everything in between. It is my strong belief that our individual efforts within families in this kind of healing will echo out and help to heal and "conquer the divide" in this nation - and that is what Common Ground is all about.
Love to all,
SEE THE VIDEO
THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR STANDING IN THE TRUTH!
...and I'm giving them away! Find out how you could win these boots here: