D.T.R. “Dead To Rights” Never say nor heed this!

An extremely abusive man from a prominent men’s group came proclaiming, after the other men shared this with him, as they grunted, “Arh! Arh! Yes! Yes!” in agreement and mutual expression, “I’m dead to rights! I’m dead to rights!” In a false humility, what this abusive man was actually doing was a pathetic form of virtue signaling. When he came out of that men’s group he was almost chanting this. It was not only performative, but the intent was actually that I would and others would, through being guilted by his virtue signaling, heed this instruction and choose to become “dead to rights” ourselves. This next paragraph is going to be rough. It’s going to put a true but harsh picture in your head. If you want to skip to the next paragraph, feel free. You will still understand the point of this blog. 

When a young girl is sex trafficked, one tactic is to rape her up to thirty times the first day. She will no longer be a problem. She will be dead inside. She will be completely "dead to rights." She will lie down on some dirty floor, a complete and utterly traumatized shell of her former self.  And she will never be the same again. She can recover, toughen her skin, even forgive, and become functional, even powerful again, but she will never be the undefiled version of what God originally created her to be, and that is simply a sad reality that she has to learn to accept. 

 The church has become so bad about not considering abused women when they express wrong doctrine like this. To die to self, as I explained in the first blog of this series, means to let the carnal desires within you encounter the true love of God and therefore die. My desire to drink Tequila unto drunkenness years ago, got overwhelmed by the love of Christ, and that carnal desire just disappeared, or in other words, died.

If the desire to use alcohol in excess ever rears its ugly head in me, I simply remember the higher form of pain killer. The love of Christ is such a far superior form of medicine for my stress, anxiety, and heartaches in this life. Even “dying to self” can be a form of “works.” The easiest way to “die to self” is to surrender to the Lord, and in surrendering, you will grant access to His great love into your life. In turn, you will fall in love with Him, become a whole new person, and the old self will die. It's a beautiful thing.    

I’m writing this blog series on Self Care vs. Die to Self to help us come out of wrong thinking and skewed doctrine too often recklessly tossed around in modern church culture. I’ve heard more dangerous lines in this culture, like “dead to rights,” than I care to think about. These lines have been voiced from the pulpit without forethought, which inadvertently guilt women into staying in extremely abusive situations.

It is all tied to what I call “Christian Codependency.” We need to be completely healed and delivered from this issue. In the name of Christ-like behavior, or Christ-like love and grace, people are  persuaded to tolerate things God actually tells us not to tolerate in others. We are dangerously misled by a great lack of clarity in these areas. Obviously we are in a drastic season of exposure where the Lord is choosing to clean up the church. I praise His name for this! I have received more personal correction in the last three years than I have all the others combined. Thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth. Isaiah 25:1 

D.T.R. is not only an acronym for “dead to rights,” but as a former youth pastor, I would hear my youth group members use this acronym to mean “define the relationship.” I’ll create a whole new acronym here. 

D. 

Define the red flags and standards before you go another step in any relationship. Know what they are. Make a list of them and study them again and again. Then, whether this is a potential mate, or a pastor, preacher, teacher, employee, boss, friend, or church, or church culture as a whole… 

(Galatians 5:22-23, Proverbs 22:1, Philippians 4:8) 

T. 

Trace the patterns of behavior searching for false humility, projection, guilting by way of virtue signaling, secrets, and maybe the number one pattern, exploitive behaviors. Look for standards of honesty, transparency, trustworthiness, empathy, integrity, and moral and ethical behavior. 

(1 Thessalonians 5:21-22, Proverbs 2: 3-6) 

R. 

Run for your life! Literally for the sake of your life, when you see any of these behaviors present, run! This is self care. Run, for your life, away from the red flags, but also run for your life toward the standards. This will completely change the trajectory of your life. 

(Proverbs 24:11, Proverbs 4:23, Romans 12:2, Psalm 51:10) 

We are waking up. The Lord is shaking us right now to wake us up because we must learn, through His guidance, to protect ourselves from the evils in the earth. Wake up, rise up, stand up, speak up, and take care of yourself! In next week’s blog, I’m going to confront something head on. It is something we are not openly talking about, and it is beyond past time, almost too late … BUT GOD! 

Love to all, 

Jill