How Are You Experiencing Me?

In my last blog I openly shared a blow to my already rickety emotional health. Oooooh poor pitiful me! Enough of that. So what DO (did) I do with that? 

The first order of business was forgiveness and release. It took a long time, and a large chunk of my life to finally realize how much it hinders and damages me, and others if I allow myself to linger, even for a little while, in unforgiveness and feelings that someone owes me something, or deserves judgment of any kind. So I immediately went through several deep “sessions” of forgiving and releasing from any judgment.

Upon hearing about this, I initially went to the floor weeping and saying to myself, “There’s no bad intention in my heart. There’s no bad intention in my heart! I just can’t understand how my heart can be so often so misinterpreted by others.” But I knew I had to immediately stop that, and turn the weeping to God, and get real enough with myself to honestly ask Him, 

“IS THIS TRUE ABOUT ME?” 

… and I would ask that every day for several months on deeper and deeper levels. Is this true about me? What of this is true about me? Let me see the truth about this, Lord!” And on and on. I’ve been taught that one important question we should always be willing to ask others is “How are you experiencing me?” I first asked, “God, what is being experienced through me in this? What am I doing that is causing this?” (Because I am causing this.) I knew most of the answers to this question because I had been on a deep dive with God about this for a long, long time due to ongoing relational issues. I am actively working through the adjustments that need to be made according to what I’ve learned and come to understand so far, but I am still receiving more and more revelation.  

HOW ARE YOU EXPERIENCING ME? 

I believe that no matter what, this must be taken to heart and very carefully examined, and I have to be willing to see the truth about this. I also solidly believe that I carry a calling in the Common Ground project which is all about healing and reconciling relationships. So, for me, that is all the more reason to open up in deeper ways with a true willingness to see the truth. Where do I go from here?

Over the next few months through a prewritten weekly blog series, I’m going to openly share my personal journey through this. The blog is prewritten so as not to be tempted to edit according to response. Some will scoff, some will disagree with my approach, and some will find deep healing and feel less alone. It is for the latter group that I write and share this blog series.  

Love to all, 

Jill