Invisible Squares

So, what’s this “deeply loving” reason you’re writing all this, Jill?” I’m glad you asked. 

At the very least, if only one person read these two blog series and began to pray for either me or my former husband, well, that would be at least one deeply loving reason explained. We both desperately need prayer for freedom from these pain cycles. But it’s not just us, and these individual and combined pain cycles of ours don’t just affect us. This confused and saddened countless people we love, including young relatives who don’t know yet how to cope with these things. This crushes my heart to think of. And what’s more is that we are far from the only two people on earth who live in pain cycles and hurt ourselves and others through them. 

One friend who was locked up in multiple addictions asked me if I remembered the scene in the movie, Interstellar, where Matthew McConaughey’s character is stuck in another dimension made up of invisible squares and pounding on a wall trying to be heard. I know the movie well, and I told my friend I remembered the scene. He then explained that this is exactly how he feels trapped in these pain cycles that lead him over and over to addictions. (Watch scene here)

When he explained this to me, I replied, “That is the language of needing deliverance.” I’m writing the two blog series because we are all using behaviors and language that are pounding on walls and yelling, so to speak, in desperate need of deliverance. Deliverance is freedom. To be delivered from that stuck space into abundant life, saved, healed, and delivered is a solid promise made by God. I’m perplexed, to be honest. I don’t understand why this promise is not working. Is it rebellion, ignorance, lack of faith, or what? 

My next stop on the three-week road trip was Burbank, California. If you’ve read my stuff, you probably know who “Biting Tom” is by now. I was back in Burbank, remembering once again that my pain cycle started when I was only 3 years old, living in Burbank, where this little boy would constantly bite me without others realizing it. I created some broken and destructive coping mechanisms that grew into full-blown codependency over the years. That’s a long time to be stuck in the invisible squares, yelling and pounding to no avail! This time in Burbank on this road trip was the beginning of a real breakthrough for me.   

The apostle Paul said, and we’ve all heard it a million times, "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.” The Bible says, “Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” Look at the church and body of Christ in America right now. Something is so far off! 

I was listening to Henry Cloud this morning talking about the problem of drifting. He explained that if you don’t steer a boat with enough speed and intention, there are currents that will cause the boat to drift. We are the same way, but how have we gotten, as a society and culture, so far off, and therefore so hurtful to each other? How have we drifted so far, and how do we get back on the path of true righteousness? This isn’t fixed with the advice of a few daily devotions, or another step program, or even a few weekend intensives. This needs a serious eye-opening and the facing of the grueling truth, coupled with the fire and power of God as our deliverer. The good news is, I think that’s exactly where this nation is headed, but we must be positioned, humbled, and willing to receive what’s about to happen in our culture. I also believe we all have to ask for it. We need to cry out for this! When the believers were shouting “Hosanna! Hosanna!” and laying the palm leaves down as Jesus rode in on the donkey, they were crying out and acknowledging Jesus as “Hosanna,” which means both savior and deliverer. They were saying, “We’ve come to know you as both, so we are asking to be saved and delivered!” We have not because we ask not. We take matters into our own hands. I believe God wants to show himself as our great Deliverer. Get ready! Cry out! It’s about to hit like a crossfire hurricane.